In the days leading up to the 20th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on 9/11/2001, I have spent a lot of time thinking about it.

My wife Jenni and I watched an MSNBC special where survivors filmed themselves in a special video black box back in 2002 and again this year. Their stories and the accompanying videos of the events of that day and the aftermath were both horrifying and very moving.

I think the easy, and I will argue lazy, reaction is to fall back onto nationalism, flag waving, and cheap slogans. As a race, we humans tend to do that. Instead, I would rather take a sober look at the broader picture of what happened, the aftermath, and what lessons we can learn from it all.

First, almost 3,000 innocent people died that day as the result of the actions of a small number of evil, evil men. If ever there was a question of whether or not evil exists in the world, I think this is a one of the best examples that it does. I cannot fathom how someone could intentionally take the lives of thousands of innocent people. My heart aches for the families and friends of those killed that day. I can’t begin to imagine the pain they have suffered and continue to suffer to this day, as well as the pain suffered by the thousands of survivors.

But what happened in the years that followed is equally horrific and should not be brushed aside. A 20 year long war was launched in Afghanistan that led to the deaths of almost as many American service men and women as died on September 11 (2,420). But here’s the kicker: over 46,000 innocent Afghan civilians died over the course of the 20 year war which averages out to a little less than the number killed on 9/11 EVERY YEAR for the last 20 years.

If the goal of the War on Terror was to obtain justice for those killed on 9/11, I find it hard to agree that justice was done by launching a war that resulted in the deaths of over 200,000 people over the course of 20 years.

There are no easy answers here, folks, but there are a few key takeaways.

On 9/11 itself and the days following, we saw what true heroism looks like. People who literally put their lives on the line to try to help others. Many of them died as a result of their heroism: 340 firefighters, 72 law enforcement officers, and 55 military personnel (around 20% of those who died that day). That level of bravery and selflessness is simply amazing to me.

In the following months, we saw people from all over America, demonstrating the purist example of the American spirit of self-sacrifice, converge at Ground Zero to work on the recovery effort, working tirelessly to make sure that they could give the victims and their families the respect and closure they deserved. And over the years, we have done our best to support the victims’ families as they mourned the death of their loved ones and tried to rebuild their lives without them.

In the years since 9/11, I believe our country has grown more selfish and I hope this anniversary gives us a moment to reflect on what we can do to put the greater good ahead of our own personal desires.

The second is that no country, religion, or group has an exclusive hold on evil. We can’t acknowledge the evil of the men who planned and executed the worst terrorist event ever without also acknowledging the evil done over the last 20 years in the name of those who that died on 9/11. Are we any safer from terrorism than we were? Was all the sacrifice worth it? I just don’t know.

Lastly, we must encourage our leaders to act more responsibly in the future. While the original mission in Afghanistan might have been a righteous one, I think we can all agree that a 20 year war that resulted in over 200,000 deaths, many of them non-combatants, was not the best example of leadership by 4 American presidents. In the future, we need to set a very high bar for sending our military into harms way and risking the lives of innocent civilians who are euphemistically called “collateral damage” and constantly evaluate if our involvement is appropriate. Throwing good money after bad, and sacrificing more lives year after year, is rarely a successful strategy.

So as we rightly remember the almost 3,000 Americans who lost their lives on 9/11/2001, let us also remember all the other losses that have occurred over the last 20 years. Their lives mattered too.

This week was also the 50th anniversary of the release of John Lennon’s song “Imagine”. So let me close by quoting one of the lines from that song in the hope that we can work together to make it true: “Imagine all the people, living life in peace.”